


i'll be there for you (i'd live and i'd die for you)

by vincerets



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jesse Manes Being an Asshole, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 13:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18592552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vincerets/pseuds/vincerets
Summary: in which kyle is there for alex when nobody else is (aka jesse is in his coma dying and alex doesn't know how to feel about it)





	i'll be there for you (i'd live and i'd die for you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alexmanes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexmanes/gifts).



The first time Kyle sees Alex walking out of Jesse Manes’ private hospital room, eyes red rimmed and gaze cast downwards, he doesn’t comment on it. He doesn’t comment on it when he sees him a second time, the same clothes still on albeit slightly more dishevelled than before.

He wants to tell him to go home, to get some rest and take a shower. But he doesn’t. Instead he makes sure to stop one of the nurses on duty and asks her to bring some food and water to the room.

Jesse Manes might be a monster, but his son is anything but.

The third time, Kyle doesn’t exactly see Alex walking out of the room, and he swears he isn’t purposefully changing up his route to walk past Jesse’s room. But the hospital is small, and voices carry, especially when the voices seem to be getting more and more heated. He’d deny it if anybody asked, but he slows to a stop outside the room and catches the tail end of the conversation.

“Why are you really here, Guerin?” he hears Alex ask, his voice tired and strained. Kyle can picture him sitting in the cold chair in the corner of the room, arms wrapped around himself like he can keep the world from hurting him by sheer force of will.

There’s a beat of silence that makes Kyle doubt whether there is actually somebody else in the room or not, but then a voice responds, “your father… is he-.”

“Dead? No, not yet anyway.” Kyle resists the urge to roll his eyes – the beeping of the heart monitor is, unfortunately, still keeping up a steady pace.

“Right. And is he going to-.” Michael doesn’t get any further. Kyle hears a faint rustling and assumes Alex has stood up from the chair.

“Wake up? Tell the government about your super-secret alien club? Of course he’s not, you idiot.” Alex doesn’t say what the hospital staff have known for days now. Jesse won’t last much longer even on life support. They’ve all mourned for poor Master Sargent Manes, have taken turns paying their respects and lighting candles, all except for Kyle who would happily be the one to pull the plug if it wasn’t for Alex looking at him and seeing the man who killed his father.

“Just leave, Michael.” He doesn’t hear the response Alex gets, but he assumes it wasn’t what he wanted to hear because Alex is raising his voice and the anger there is tinged with such pure exhaustion that Kyle can feel it in his bones. “I don’t want to see you right now.”

Kyle waits for the sound of footsteps exiting the room and pretends to be busy with some charts on his clipboard. He throws Guerin a look as he passes him and it’s a look that clearly tells him he’s not welcome back. Not until Alex asks for him.

“You okay?” Kyle asks a few minutes after Michael’s gone and the room is silent again, empty apart from Alex slumped in his chair and himself leaning against the doorframe. “I can tell security not to let him back again, if that’s what you want?”

Alex cracks a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and shakes his head. “I can handle Guerin, Kyle.”

“I never said you couldn’t,” Kyle starts, because he knows Alex could handle whoever decided to cross him, he’d never doubted that for a second, “but you don’t have to do it alone.”

The expression on Alex’s face is unreadable for a second or two before he schools it back into that fake smile that he’s been giving everybody these last few days. He doesn’t say anything else when he turns back to look at his fathers’ body, so Kyle takes that as his cue to leave.

The last time is on the morning of the day Manes’ life support is due to be turned off. He’s been on his shift all night and hasn’t so much as caught a glimpse of Alex in his usual spot, none of the nurses have either. He’s about to clock out when he walks past the room and hears a voice talking softly enough that he would have missed it if he hadn’t been fixated on the silence in there all day.

“I hate you, I really, really hate you.” The voice is unmistakeably Alex, but he sounds choked up like he’s trying not to let himself cry in front of his father. “I’ve hated you since I was a child, I’ve despised you since you made mom leave and I’ve never forgiven you for what you did to Michael.”

Kyle doesn’t make himself known yet, he figures Alex needs to say this to Jesse before it’s too late.

“Part of me hopes that you’re suffering in there, that you’re hurting the same way you’ve hurt me for years.” He takes a pause and composes himself before continuing. “The other part of me, the part of myself that I despise is actually sorry to see you going through this. All I ever wanted was for you to love me. You’re my dad and you couldn’t even give me that!”

Kyle feels his heart clench in his chest and it’s like his feet carry him forward before his brain even decides where it’s going. He stops so he’s standing next to Alex and reaches down to take his hand, their fingers intertwined.

Alex’s soft gasp doesn’t go unheard in the otherwise silent room and Kyle tears his gaze away from Jesse to look at him. “It’s alright to be sad,” he tells him.

“After everything he’s done to me, to the people I love, to hundreds of innocent people who never deserved to feel his anger…” Alex trails off, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I should be happy that he’ll be gone soon.”

Kyle squeezes Alex’s hand in his own and shakes his head. “That’s not how grief works, Alex. You can’t pick and choose what hurts you and you’re not a bad person for feeling the hurt.” Alex sniffles but Kyle doesn’t comment on it. “You’re not mourning the loss of an evil man who hurt you. You’re mourning for a father you always wanted but never had. And that’s okay.”

Kyle stands there with him in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds in the room the mechanical beeping of the heart monitor and the occasional sniffle from Alex. He thinks about leaving and giving him privacy but then Alex is squeezing his hand and Kyle stays.

“I can stay with you, you know? Or I can call Guerin or someone if you don’t want to be here alone when it happens.” He purposefully doesn’t comment on the way Alex stiffens at the mention of Michael’s name but makes a mental note to bring it up later.

“No.” Alex says firmly, squaring his shoulders and lifting his head. “No. I don’t want to be here when he goes. Flint and the others will be here with him and I don’t want to have to face them, not today. Besides, he’s had enough of my time throughout his life, he doesn’t deserve it in death.”

Alex turns his head and looks at him for the first time since he walked into the room. The light in the room is dark but he can still make out the redness of his eyes and the tear tracks on his cheeks.

Kyle smiles back at him, his thumb rubbing small circles into the back of his hand. “Yeah… you’re definitely the bravest person I know.”

The laugh that tears itself from Alex’s throat is abrupt and is cut off by a sob. He rubs at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and Kyle pulls him close to wrap an arm around his waist.

“I have an entire bottle of tequila at home that’s unopened and my shift ended fifteen minutes ago,” Kyle says, cocking his head in the direction of the door. It’s definitely not a date. The first date Kyle takes him on won’t be after he’s spent god knows how long standing over his father’s hospital bed crying. He doesn’t want the shadow of Jesse Manes creeping into anymore corners of their lives.

Alex doesn’t miss a beat when he replies, “god, yes” and leans his weight against Kyle for a moment. It’s a while later before Alex leans up and nods firmly before pulling Kyle towards the door.

“I believe I was promised tequila, Valenti,” Alex says as they walk down the hall together, only moving to let various doctors and their patients through.

“Yeah, well, unless you want to drink with me in my uniform, I’m afraid I’m going to have to keep you waiting a little longer.”

“Tempting,” Alex counters as Kyle fishes around in his pockets and pulls out his car keys. But he’s smiling though, and that makes Kyle’s heart do dangerous things in his chest.

“Go wait in my car whilst I get changed. Do not blast your angsty teen music or I will make you walk home by yourself.” The threat is empty though and Alex’s smile quickly turns into a laugh, so Kyle can’t bring himself to feel too guilty.

Alex takes the keys from him and walks down the hall. When he gets to the exit, he stops and looks over his shoulder to see Kyle still standing there, staring after him. Alex bites his lip and leaves through the door to go and wait in the car.

He’s still smiling when Kyle walks out.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been dragged into this hellhole of a ship and now I can't leave, pls help.


End file.
